Here's a few jokes I came across that made me fall over laughing. Hope you all enjoy them.
I have not seen anyone explain this as well as Cliff Clavin, on Cheers. One
afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
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"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast
as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good
for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole
group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much the
same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain
cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally,
it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always
feel smarter after a few beers.
:o ;D
Pecans in the Cemetery
On the outskirts of Pass Christian, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat
down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you,
one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.
Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you one for me." He
just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the
bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and
the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one
for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth.
Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the
fence yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter
and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One
for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and
we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy
on the bike. :
;D
Oh yeah, one more thing. Crackpot, drunken morons who know nothing about ReBeL Squadron think he's a cross-breed of a Wookie, an Ewok, and a Smurf. ;D
I have not seen anyone explain this as well as Cliff Clavin, on Cheers. One
afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast
as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good
for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole
group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much the
same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain
cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally,
it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always
feel smarter after a few beers.
:o ;D
Pecans in the Cemetery
On the outskirts of Pass Christian, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat
down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you,
one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.
Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you one for me." He
just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the
bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and
the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one
for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth.
Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the
fence yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter
and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One
for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and
we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy
on the bike. :
;DOh yeah, one more thing. Crackpot, drunken morons who know nothing about ReBeL Squadron think he's a cross-breed of a Wookie, an Ewok, and a Smurf. ;D
It's best to watch a furball collapse, analyzing the movements of the enemy. Watch how they maneuver, when they fire, how they break. Visualize your own attacks against those observations, then go in for the kill. Sometimes, though, you don't get that advantage. It's at these times where you go in guns blazing, but keep your head on a swivel.